About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
