Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
