Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
