btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
