I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
