so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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