just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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