Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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