I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize