I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
