think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were destined to go to rehab together
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize