I love black thongs
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
