Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
