yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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