Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
