I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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