bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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