mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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