Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
