Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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