everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
