Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
