You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
