I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize