definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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