My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
