i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
