I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
