I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize