I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
