I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
