"it" just moved
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
