I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
