Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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