I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
