It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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