Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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