I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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