If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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