If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
