You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
