DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
