umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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