google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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