I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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