I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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