Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize