I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
