dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
