wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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