I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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