Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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