The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
