I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
