A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
