it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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