ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
