found the other keg... it's in the tree
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
