If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
