Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
