I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
