He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
