You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
