i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
