Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dear god my vagina.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
