I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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