I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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