I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
