I think im going to throw up on grandma
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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