On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
