let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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