woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
