I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm having to shit out rocks
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