Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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