Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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