We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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