i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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