my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
