Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
