Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was like eating out sand paper
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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