hell yes lets make some ravioli
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
