Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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