i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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