one might say we're banned from that church
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
