Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.

Fav 25 2431 819
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(320): View more from Minnesota

If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?

Fav 32 1944 895
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(760): View more from California

I wish they had nachos that got you drunk

Fav 17 4784 906
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(561): View more from Florida

It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

Fav 14 919 6590
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge

Fav 7 5765 882
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.

Fav 15 2666 1302
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(616): View more from Michigan

Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado

Fav 4 1464 596
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(281): View more from Texas

I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.

Fav 0 108 240
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Thanks, mom.

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