Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
