I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
