You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So here I am, sexting at work.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
