ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
