Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
