so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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