You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize