when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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