I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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