No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
