Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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