Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
