she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can you bring me the toilet please
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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