Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
