i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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