A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
